Giving up on dating in London? Healthista spoke to reality TV star Sophie Stonehouse from Netflix’s Too Hot To Handle, on why you shouldn’t lose hope when it comes to finding love
With the summer months quickly approaching, one thing is uncertain besides the sunshine – how to navigate the dating pool in a busy city like London after months of winter hibernating.
That’s why Healthista caught up with the former event manager turned reality TV star Sophie Stonehouse, 23, who didn’t hold back on sharing her best tips on dating in London and how to keep going even after heart break or rejection.
Netflix’s Too Hot To Handle gave the newly single Sophie Stonehouse a chance to find a connection in the Turks and Caicos villa on the second season of the show. Yet the tide changed when her indecisive co-star Creed McKinnon decided to pursue another cast mate unbeknownst to Sophie.
Californian-born British native is now in a happy relationship with boyfriend Izak Lewis
However the 23-year old quickly became a fan favourite when she left the show early, as her warm and positive personality was a clear indicator of why fans supported her bold exit.
The Californian-born British native is now in a happy relationship with boyfriend Izak Lewis since leaving the show.
Healthista asked directly from the source on how to find love in one of the world’s most populated cities since leaving the Netflix show, especially after facing rejection.
Here’s what Sophie had to say…
Leaving a Long Term Relationship
Sophie’s bubbly yet mature persona gave off the impression of chatting to a best friend or sister, who clearly had some experienced relationship advice for only being in her early 20s.
The Too Hot To Handle star revealed that before entering the villa, she had been in a five year relationship that seemed to have been the source of her evolved outlook on love.
Sophie openly shared that the relationship with her ex-partner was very intertwined and felt more like an obligation to stay, despite growing apart for a number of years towards the end.
one reason why people don’t leave is because they’re so comfortable
‘A lot of people struggle to get out of those relationships, like whether you’ve been in them from a young age or whether it’s an adult relationship,’ explains Sophie.
‘I think one reason why people don’t leave is because they’re so comfortable and it’s such a scary thing to do.’
Sophie went on to explain how comfortability in her relationship led to a lack of sexual chemistry, despite having love for her ex. Inevitably the pair split – yet the opportunity to find love was on the horizon when Sophie received a call about the show casting.
‘Enough time had gone by since the break up to kind of like emotionally get over it and realise I was ready to be like ‘is she having her redemption era?’ Yes. She is.’
So best advice if your contemplating a long-term relationship, is always follow your gut. If it doesn’t feel right, then according to the Netflix star, it probably isn’t.
READ MORE: Love, sex & dating apps – questions unanswered
Lonely London
It may in fact boil down to the fact that dating in the UK is much different than in places like say, the US, as Stonehouse points out. To put it into numbers – the average age of people who get married in the UK is 31, compared to the US at the earliest age of 25.
Could it be the cost of living difference, or something else?
Sophie suggests it could be due to the religious differences in both countries, as having family in the US she has seen them fall into marriage at a much younger age.
Despite this, Stonehouse points out that our generations have moved into a non-traditional role where people are having kids and living together before they get married, which she says is the modern day way of living.
You don’t need to get married before you have kids
‘It’s not so stereotypical anymore, you don’t need to get married before you have kids,’ states Sophie.
‘As well, we’re in a generation where so many of our parents aren’t together anymore – it’s very rare that you hear of someone’s parents being together.’
Stonehouse confesses that she’s terrified to get married, not necessarily for the act of it, but to fall out of love with someone after tying the knot.
‘Relationships are the best and worst things to have, there’s always some sort of sacrifice you have to make – whether that’s time for yourself or your friends – like everything else in life, there are always positives and negatives.’
As far as dating in London, Stonehouse points out that London has been classified as the ‘loneliest city in the world’, despite a population of almost 9 million.
This leaves room for daters in London to have too much selection, making it easy for men and women to move to to the next best thing if their date doesn’t ‘tick every box’.
Yet on the positive side, London is also one of the most multicultural cities, ranking at the top 10 cities in the world for diversity.
In other words, although the big city can make you feel small, London boasts multiple opportunities and chances for meeting new people if you put yourself out there.
READ MORE: Manage your mental health in 7 easy steps
Attracting the Wrong One
Before appearing on Too Hot To Handle, Sophie admits that she wasn’t looking for anything serious, but hoped that she would meet someone who may change her mind.
Stonehouse points out that realistically on these types of shows, when you meet someone who lives half way across the world, it’s pretty clear that the relationship won’t last.
Since leaving the show, Sophie says her views on dating haven’t really changed. She confesses that even before going on the show, she admittedly was dating the wrong type of men who would treat her poorly, probably because she knew she didn’t want anything serious and neither did they.
Don’t compromise your own needs for someone who isn’t investing the same time into the relationship or situationship
Meaning – you attract the same type of energy that you put out. If you’re looking to date someone seriously but the other person is not on the same page, it’s likely that you will end up wasting your time with them or worse, get your heart broken.
As far as being on the show, Sophie shares that co-star Creed McKinnon exuded this type of energy, as she says she felt misled and slightly manipulated into believing he was only pursuing her. Which in reality, happens a lot in dating in real life.
Sophie’s advice? Don’t compromise your own needs for someone who isn’t investing the same time into the relationship or situationship as you are – and only date when you are fully ready to. Otherwise the person who you end up finding might not be someone you whole heartedly align with.
‘Even if that takes me years and years and years, then fine,’ says Sophie.
‘I am not entertaining another relationship or am going to change my mindset in terms of what I’m actually looking for until I find someone I really like.’
Tinder or Hinge? Or… Neither?
Sophie has now hard launched her current boyfriend onto her Instagram, revealing that she is in a happy, healthy relationship with partner Izak Lewis.
Although it took some time after the show to find her significant other, Sophie reveals she met him on a dating app. Yet after months of talking, Sophie admits that seeing each other in person was obviously better than speaking online.
my advice with dating apps is give the people that you’re chatting to an opportunity, but meet in person if you can
‘I think it’s very difficult to communicate with people online and really understand who they are, what they’re about and you know, it’s tough,’ explains Sophie.
‘So my advice with dating apps is give the people that you’re chatting to an opportunity, but meet in person if you can – just be careful ladies.’
But Stonehouse points out that even on dating apps, if you’re in a race to find the perfect person, it’s not realistic because nobody’s perfect.
‘If anyone could take any sort of advice from what happened with me, I thought my current boyfriend was weird and I did not like him at all when we were talking because he’s awful at texting, but when we met in person I was like ‘oh’, he seems lovely’.
She also added that texting is something that people shouldn’t always look so deeply into.
‘I think it’s easy to think that everybody is in the same situation you’re in,’ Sophie explains.
‘So, if someone’s not responding to you and you’re not really doing that much, it’s just very easy to quickly assume that the person is just not interested in you when actually they are probably just busy.’
READ MORE: Looking for first date ice breakers? Celebs Go Dating matchmaker Anna Williamson reveals 11 tips
Sophie’s Top Dating Tips:
#1 Its OK to be single
Sometimes the pressure of having a partner when you see everyone else around you in couples gives a false desire of actually needing one, and can lead to unhealthy relationships.
‘I think when you’re meant to be in a relationship and when you’re meant to be with the right person, it will just happen naturally. I forced the relationship with my ex because I felt like I needed a boyfriend,’ Sophie admits.
Get off the dating apps, go out, meet people, chat to people
#2 Don’t hold back from entering your bad chick era
We live in a society that has fundamentally deconstructed the traditional norms of previous generations.
Women are empowered to be comfortable in owning their independence, and not feeling pressured to succumb to getting married or having kids at any particular age.
There is something to be said about having the freedom to date who you want whilst enjoying university, your career, and your friends. As Sophie says, ‘we are living vicariously thorough you.’
READ MORE: How to find love – the therapist’s guide
#3 Get off the Dating Apps
Although Sophie met her current partner on Hinge, she says to go old school.
‘Get off the dating apps, go out, meet people, chat to people – be present and get off your phone,’ Sophie advises.
Dating apps offer us too much selection, making it easy to spend countless hours swiping left and right on people who might not meet your specific dating criteria.
However the issue with this is that you are setting those people on the other end up for failure from the start. Who knows, maybe you would give them a chance if you had actually met in person first.
Point in case – ‘The real people that you want to meet won’t be satisfied at home on their phone. They’ll be out, talking to people. How on Earth do you expect to always find them on your phone?’
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