CONFIDENCE SPECIAL: 9 characteristics of women who get what they want (that includes knowing when NOT to take advice!)

Most of us know what we want, but few of us know how to get it – Life Coach Jo Davidson author of new book Remarkable Me: The Woman’s Guide to Becoming Fearless and Getting Whatever You Want! explains
 

1. THEY KNOW WHY THEY WANT WHAT THEY WANT

In order to get what you want, you first need to know what you want. But, all too often, we begin chasing a goal, without understanding why we want it. So if you decide that you want a new house, for example, you’ll begin voraciously hounding estate agents and scouring the internet, looking for the perfect pad, on the basis that this new house is actually what you want. But, many times, what you’re really looking for is the feeling that you believe will come as a result of getting the new house.

new building luxury suburban house in sunny summer afternoon. House hunting

Typically, I see women who are determined to have something, and it’s actually because they’re looking at what other people have and feeling that they need to keep up, or overtake their friends, family, or colleagues. Or, they convince themselves that having that new house will make up for the fact that they’re unhappy in their relationship. Sometimes, they even believe it will give them a fresh start. What they actually end up doing is bringing all of their hang-ups to the new house, and adding to them with a bigger financial commitment. After all, someone in their crowd will always be overtaking them, by buying a new car, an exotic holiday, or something else; and a failing relationship will do no better in a new home. Worse yet, if you’re associating all of your problems with the place you live, think again. Your problems are all about you, and you’ll be taking you to the new house too.

In order to be the woman who gets what she wants, ask yourself, what’s the feeling you’re looking to achieve?

So, in order to be the woman who gets what she wants, ask yourself, what’s the feeling you’re looking to achieve, and will that new house/job/car/holiday/whatever really get you that feeling? If it won’t then you should look at how to go about achieve the feeling you want, instead.

 

2. THEY TAKE RESPONSIBILITY

She's going to wow them with her business ideas

A key factor for getting what you want is taking responsibility. Responsibility for where you are, for what’s happened to you and for where you are headed. If you look to blame your partner, your rotten luck, your parents, your boss or society for what’s wrong in your life, then you will cast yourself as a victim, which is no way to get what you want.

The woman who gets what she wants, takes complete responsibility for her life. She knows that her own decisions, habits, and behaviour have put her where she is and she is happy to take that responsibility. Because it also means that she can congratulate herself for her achievements, and has the power to change the direction of her life any time she chooses.

So, take responsibility. Focus on something that you’re dissatisfied with, today, and ask yourself what choices put you there. Then ask, what you will do to change it. And, remember, we all put ourselves in bad situations at one time or another. But, once you recognise that there is a problem, doing nothing about it is still a choice.

 

3. THEY DON’T JUDGE THEMSELVES (OR OTHERS)

Female judge with US flag on the background

The great thing about women who get what they want is that they don’t judge. That means that, when they make a mistake, or things don’t go their way, they accept that it’s just the way life goes. They don’t internalise what goes on outside of them. In other words, they don’t beat themselves up for being a terrible person, just because they got it wrong. They understand that a temporary blip is not a fatal condition, and so they dust themselves down, and carry on without giving themselves a hard time. If there’s something to learn, then they’ll take the lesson, and take action.

they don’t beat themselves up for being a terrible person, just because they got it wrong.

What’s more, they don’t judge others when they get it wrong either. So, they are more tolerant than the average person, and generous enough to believe that everyone is doing the very best they can, even when it might not seem that way. As a result, they don’t fall into ‘us and them’ mentality and, instead, connect well with all kinds of people, expanding their network and opening up countless opportunities.

 Are you judging yourself, and others, too harshly?

So, ask yourself. Are you judging yourself, and others, too harshly? Think of the last time you gave yourself a really hard time because you got something wrong, or gave someone else an undeserved telling off because they didn’t behave the way that you thought they should? Also, perhaps consider a time that you’ve looked down on someone, because you didn’t think they were working hard enough, or because they weren’t dressed as nicely as you, or because their kids were being a nuisance. How could you change your beliefs so that, instead of judging them, you can simply accept that they were doing the very best they could, at that particular point in time?

 

4. THEY ALWAYS ACT WITH INTEGRITY

Integrity is a widely misunderstood and misquoted word. You see, integrity is not a universal code. And, it is not an ethical standard. In fact, it is completely unique to each and every one of us. Because, to act with integrity is simply to act in a way that is in congruence with your values and beliefs. And, your values and beliefs may be quite different than everyone else’s.

Integrity is not a universal code. And, it is not an ethical standard.

So, for example, if your boss tears into your colleague in the middle of a meeting, for not completing a task on time, you might be outraged and comment to your teammates that he has no integrity. But, what if he believes that getting work done on time is critical? And, what if he believes that it is entirely acceptable to tell someone off in a meeting, even if it upsets them, and others? You see, if that’s the case, then he absolutely acted with integrity and, actually, it is those around, who disagree with his approach, yet sat idly by, that are really acting without integrity. By allowing his behaviour to continue unchallenged.

So, if you’re going to be the kind of woman who gets what she wants, then you need to be clear about who you are and what’s important to you. And then you should be sure that the decisions you make and the actions that you take are always in tune with the values and beliefs you hold dear.

 

5. THEY EMBRACE CHALLENGE

Female trekker looks over Himalayas

One thing that women who get what they want know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, is that what they want is beyond their comfort zone. Because if it wasn’t, they’d have it already. And it is because of this knowledge that they are prepared to embrace challenges every single day.

Women who get what they want know that what they want is beyond their comfort zone

So, instead of spending 90 per cent of their day repeating what they did yesterday (and last week, and last month, and last year), they seek out opportunities to stretch themselves beyond what they’ve ever done before. They take on projects that they feel are beyond them, they learn new skills, they get out and meet new people, they take on new responsibilities, and they push, push, push themselves to be continually improving.

So, ask yourself, how similar is today to last week? And how much have you progressed over the last year? If you’re not getting what you want, then when you look back you’ll probably find that you’ve not been pushing yourself to grow personally either. So, make a plan to begin getting outside of your comfort zone, pronto!

 

6. THEY FOCUS ON ADDING VALUE

She's devoted to her career

For the woman who gets what she wants and knows what she wants, she is not preoccupied by what she wants. She doesn’t spend her days dreaming about how she’ll feel when she gets it, nor obsessing over why she doesn’t have it yet, because she knows that such fixation will only lead to anxiety and reduced effectiveness. So, instead, she focuses on adding value in everything she does.

At work, she gives her all to provide the best product, service or experience for her customers and co-workers. She puts all of her effort into bringing her personal best, for the good of those she serves. She doesn’t worry that her boss is taking advantage of her good nature, that she’s not being paid enough, or that people aren’t putting in as much effort as she is. And at home, she gives her time to her family and friends wholeheartedly, and without distractions, while also taking time out to nourish her own healthy mind and body.

Stop focusing on why you don’t have what you want yet, and instead put your effort into bringing your best self to everything you do!

So, stop focusing on why you don’t have what you want yet, and instead put your effort into bringing your best self to everything you do! The more enthusiasm you bring to your daily toil, the more you will enjoy your life as it is now, and the quicker you will develop and progress towards your goals.

 

7. THEY TAKE RISKS

Female climber clinging to a cliff.

One of the keys to getting what you want is to be prepared to take risks. Beyond just being able to step out of your comfort zone and do things that make you a little uncomfortable, sometimes, in order to make a really big leap in progress, you need to take some bigger risks.

Now, while she knows that it can be scary, the woman who gets what she wants also knows that nothing in life is guaranteed. So, she knows that her ‘safe job’ can be taken away from her in a heartbeat, that her partner could walk out tomorrow, and that the market will rise and fall irrespective of her financial situation. So, her high tolerance for risk is actually due to the fact that she knows how fragile her circumstances are anyway. And, she sees more danger in not growing and progressing, than in staying ‘safe’. It’s not that she thinks she can’t fail and, in fact, she’s very aware of the consequences if it all goes wrong, but that she has faith in her abilities to handle the failure, if the worst happens.

she sees more danger in not growing and progressing, than in staying ‘safe’

So, have a little look around and ask yourself, where you are clinging onto things, that aren’t doing you any favours, because you’re afraid to take a risk. And consider, if you took the risk, and the worst happened, what actions you could take to overcome the consequences.

 

8. THEY KNOW WHEN TO TAKE ADVICE (AND WHEN NOT TO)

Two female friends talking in a park.

Getting advice is critical to getting what you want, because you don’t know it all. Even if you think you do. There are always people who are further ahead than you, who have already achieved the goals you are seeking, and who can help you to develop strategies, opportunities and contacts, to fast-forward your success. So, just like the women who get what they want, you should be seeking out those people so that you can learn from them.

People who try to dampen your spirit are either afraid for you, or they’re afraid for themselves

What you should never do however, is take notice of scare-mongering advice from people who are intent on living small. Too often, those with no experience of what you want to do will have a mountain of supposed knowledge about the risks involved and countless reasons why you shouldn’t try. My advice is: ignore them. People who try to dampen your spirit are either afraid for you (but, you’re a big girl and you can look after yourself), or they’re afraid for themselves (because you might not want to know them), or they’re embarrassed (because they realise just how small their own life has been). So, if you’ve been letting small-minded people (and yes, they may be people that you love) talk you out of living the life you want, then you’ll never get what you want. So stop listening to them.

 

9. THEY HAVE THE SAME ANXIETIES AS EVERYONE ELSE

They are just as imperfectly perfect as the next woman.

Perhaps the least-recognised characteristic of women who get what they want is that they have all the same anxieties as you. They still have bills to pay and mouths to feed. They wonder if they’re really good enough to deliver that latest project. They wish that they didn’t have to have certain difficult conversations. They long for a safety net. And, occasionally, they’d love to have someone else deal with their challenges for a change. They are just as imperfectly perfect as the next woman. The only difference, is that they push on despite those feelings. Because they know that the only way to get what others can’t, is to do the things that others won’t.

More from healthiest Life Coach Jo Davidson:

9 secrets of women who love their jobs

Stuck in a rut? 8 steps to a more positive you

3 ways your brain can sabotage your goals (and how to stop)

remarkable me, women who get what they want, by healthista.com

Jo Davidson’s new book Remarkable Me: The Woman’s Guide to Becoming Fearless and Getting Whatever You Want! is available for download for £1.99 from Amazon.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

jo davidsonJo Davidson is a coach and mentor, motivational speaker, blogger, and author of the brand new book, “Remarkable Me: The Woman’s Guide to Becoming Fearless and Getting Whatever You Want!” Click here to learn more.

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