Psychotherapist and We-Vibe spokesperson Rachel Wright reveals that the key to great sex lies in a simple human behaviour – communication
Most of us aren’t taught how to communicate in general, let alone about a subject many of us struggle to discuss. I am of course talking about S E X.
Communication is about giving AND receiving information, and believe it or not, great sex comes from excellent communication. That is, communication that is honest, tender, gentle and assertive.
It’s up to all partners involved not to take things too personally – meaning, if your partner re-directs you sexually, it’s not because you were doing something ‘wrong’, but that for their body and their needs, there is a way they enjoy it more.
Good sex is about being attentive, open-minded, and a team player
Always remember that sex isn’t about being ‘good’. Good sex is about being attentive, open-minded, and a team player, and good sex usually follows good communication.
Communication, in my opinion, is VITAL for great sex – meaning sex that is connected, caring, fun, safe and attentive.
Without communication during sex, there’s a lot more room for error, hurt feelings, and triggers to occur.
Communication during sex is essential for each person involved to feel seen, pleasured, safe, and comfortable.
Here’s the deal, our bodies are constantly changing, our preferences are always changing, and what we like is continuously changing – sex is no exception.
Also, orgasms and pleasure happen in the brain, so if we are holding onto a thought or feeling, it can be hard to fully be present and enjoy the moment.
How to improve communication with a partner for great sex?
If sex communication is feeling rocky, try talking about sex outside of the bedroom.
Sometimes, when tough conversations are brought up in the bedroom, it can feel particularly vulnerable, which can ultimately lead to one or all partners not feeling fully comfortable.
Talking outside the bedroom, in a neutral space, is far more likely to ensure that everyone feels comfortable.
try talking about sex outside of the bedroom
Also, talk about things YOU like because YOU are the only one who knows your body. Remind your partner that you enjoy being intimate with them and that to best understand each other’s bodies, you have to express to each other how your body best receives pleasure.
Unfortunately, relationship communication isn’t taught in school (why not?!), so you need to seek out resources. Take a communication class or attend workshops for extra guidance.
Dealing with awkwardness
It’s only awkward if we make it awkward. It might feel uncomfortable, but remember that uncomfy isn’t bad!
Most of us grew up with minimal sex education and were told that conversations around sex should be awkward – but it doesn’t have to be – just talk about it.
If you enjoy cuddling and talking afterward because it makes you feel cared for, ask for that. Is there is something your partner does that bothers you, tell them.
If you have triggers around specific sexual acts, tell your partner you have things you like to avoid (you don’t have to say why or what they are, but let them know).
Don’t be afraid to ask questions
Being curious about your sexual partners can be so sexy!
Also, be open to critique, change, and receiving feedback. Openness to those conversations will always deepen intimacy, connection, and likely enhance your sexy bedroom experiences.
Having someone and being someone who wants to understand your partner, their body, and their preferences is an excellent way to start the uncomfortable conversations about sex AND make people feel so much more comfortable.