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How to be confident when you feel like falling apart

How to be confident when you feel like falling apart MAIN

Do things seem to be going awry in your life? They certainly seem to be for Theresa May with a vote of no confidence against her being decided this evening. We asked life coach Jaqueline Hurst exactly how to fake confidence through the tough times

It has been confirmed today that 48 letters have been received from conservative MP’s about their confidence in Prime Minister Theresa May. Mrs May will now face a vote of no confidence in her leadership later on this evening.

Speaking outside 10 Downing Street this morning, Mrs May said, ‘I will contest that vote with everything I have got.

‘I have devoted myself unsparingly to these tasks ever since I became prime minister and I stand ready to finish the job’.

Conservative MPs will vote from six till eight o’clock this evening.

Theresa May was asked on BBC Radio 4’s Today programme last week, as to whether she was prepared to delay the vote on that took place yesterday (Tuesday 11th December). May said, ‘No. What I am doing is leading up to a vote on Tuesday. Yes I am meeting colleagues, I’m listening to colleagues’ concerns. Not about delaying it, I’m listening to colleagues’ concerns around the backstop.’

May showed that she was determined to plough on with a vote and suggested a ‘parliamentary lock’ on the Irish backstop could persuade more MPs to back it.


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Theresa May is getting a lot of stick from all angles at the moment and lets be honest things aren’t looking great for our Prime Minister, but Theresa May seems to be taking it in her stride, remaining confident and certainly not backing down.

In her BBC Radio 4 interview and her speech this morning outside 10 Downing Street, it was clear that she seemed confident and determined to stick to her guns. It makes us wonder, as things seem to be going so wrong for Mrs May, how is she remaining so confident?

Life coach Jaqueline Hurst reveals how we can fake confidence through the tough times just like Theresa May seems to be doing.

1. Change the thoughts that make you feel like falling apart

We have around 40-60,000 thoughts a day and 98 per cent of what we think is actually repetitive.  Thoughts are important to be aware of because it’s our thoughts that create our feelings.

To keep it simple, all negative thoughts lead to negative feelings, actions and results and all positive thoughts lead to more positive feelings, actions and results.

The first step to helping you help yourself is to simply slow down your thought process and work out what thoughts you are having.  In order to feel confident you need to think thoughts that create feelings you want to have.

Remember, a thought is just a thought, and it can’t hurt you – nor can a feeling for that matter. So if you’re thinking, ‘My God, I am going to crack, I can’t handle this.’ The feeling you end up with is one of inadequacy and fear and potentially overwhelm.

Try replacing the thought with something realistic but compassionate toward yourself. For example, ‘I know this is a tough time for me, anyone would feel pressured, but I have got this. I can take a step at a time and work through what I need to do – and if I make a mistake, that’s okay too.’ See how much better that feels?

2. Play detective

Once you are clear on what you are thinking, start to question those thoughts.

Ask yourself, ‘Is this thought serving me or making me feel bad?  Is this thought going to get me to the outcome I want? Is this thought making me feel strong and confident or weak and pathetic?’

In other words, start questioning the hell out of your thinking, like a detective on DCI Banks.  You can then start thinking about your situation in a more positive way.

confused, woman, confidence, confident, healthista

Ask yourself ‘how can I think about this situation in a way that I feel more confident?’, or ‘what is the evidence I have to prove why I can do this work/go on this date/talk to my boss?’ etc.

Questioning your thoughts is the key to helping you become a little more aware of what you are saying to yourself and in turn changing your feelings around from unconfident to confident, in a matter of moments.

3. Practice mind management

Us humans really do believe that what we think is always a fact. The truth is, when we believe that every thought we have is true, we open ourselves up to a whole world of pain and stress.

If a thought comes into your mind that ‘i’m not good enough’ and you believe it, it can trigger a tonne of other negative thoughts and feelings around this – this is an unmanaged mind.

We have to learn to manage our minds like we manage our bodies and finances by becoming mindful of the things we’re telling ourselves and recognising that our thoughts are not facts.

To be clear, facts can be proven with evidence so if you are struggling with this ask yourself: what if the evidence to back up this negative thought is actually… not true?!

4. Think ‘What would Jeremy do?’

We’re not referring to Jeremy Corbyn, don’t worry.

Pick a role model you aspire to, someone you respect and admire and then start modelling yourself on that person.

For example, if you think Jeremy Clarkson has the sort of confidence you are looking for and you are in a situation where you want to be that confident, ask yourself ‘what would Jeremy do?’.  Works every time.

[Note from ed: it doesn’t have to be Jeremy Clarkson :)]

5. Forget the approval factor

What other people think of you is ultimately something you have no control over. Being self obsessed and worried about what everyone thinks of you isn’t the sexiest trait and definitely doesn’t help your confidence.

Ultimately most people are not as interested in you and your actions, thoughts, or appearance as you think they are so it’s a good idea to let go of stressing yourself out about what you think other people might be thinking and just go ahead and do you thing.

Truthfully, those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind. Stop making it all about you and never forget that actually, the most important person’s opinion of you, is only ever, you.

6. Talk to someone

Feeling like you have low confidence can feel very isolating when you believe you’re alone in what you’re going through and that you are the only one in the world that feels like this.

The truth is that these feelings are not uncommon and you don’t have to live with them – they are something that you can change. But it can take another perspective to help you realise this.

woman, couch, confident, confidence, coffee, healthista

It’s really important to open up to friends and loved ones about your thoughts and feelings as talking about things can help you to feel better right away and get you seeing things with a clearer and more realistic, truthful perspective.

Sometimes, if you’re used to carrying burdens for other people, it’s hard to reopen about your own problems as you can feel ashamed or weak. But it can also be bonding and life-affirming to talk to friends.

If you feel really uncomfortable talking to friends, therapy is always an option – just choose someone well qualified in what you’re looking to do.

But really if you take nothing else from this post, remember confidence is a choice. Choose a different thought and get a different feeling.  Work on it and see how this changes for you.

Jacqueline Hurst is a clinical hypnotherapist, certified life coach, Master NLP Practitioner and certified weight coach. For 15 years she has beaten her drug addictions and eating disorders, and not only transformed her own life but the lives of those around her. Her expertise is in confidence and anxiety, specialising in helping those with weight problems. Hurst’s main motivation is to offer a helping hand to those who are struggling with themselves and their lives.

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