A new book from psychologist Martyn Stewart claims to predict your man’s cheat probability based on his ‘type’. We’re not sure we believe it but we were compelled by the idea…
Psychologist Martyn Stewart’s new book Why Men Really Cheat: The Psychological Secrets of Male Infidelity promises to unearth the answer to one of life’s biggest enigmas: why even the sweetest butter-wouldn’t-melt men can sometimes turn out to be cheaters.
Frantically flicking through the 27 different types of men profiled in the book, it wasn’t long before I was triumphantly quoting my boyfriend’s most annoying personality traits across the room at him (I knew I wasn’t being ‘irrational’ in telling him his detached attitude towards every emotional situation would drive most women round the bend) and was soon convinced he fit the bill for every type of man mentioned.
Unsurprisingly left to finish the book alone, I was soon embarking on a journey deep into the murky waters of the male mind.
Although Why Men Really Cheat does not offer any explanation earth-shattering enough to really give you that light bulb ‘I get it’ moment, it does provide some interesting insights into the male brain and the world of infidelity, as well as offering up some plausible reasons for the types of men most likely to cheat and (more importantly) how to spot them.
Here at Healthista towers we’re fascinated by the 27 different types of men, and as well as the six common types, have listed some of the juiciest here for you to sink your teeth (not literally sorry ladies) into. We’ve also devised a helpful ‘cheat probability ranking’ for each one, so you know just how likely each type is to play away from home.
The ‘Common’ Types:
The Rationaliser:
The Rationaliser appears very stable outwardly. He prefers realism over idealism and places his trust in logical conclusions to personal situations. He tries to expend the least amount of effort because he believes it makes sense and his decisions are based on the likelihood of the outcome not the unlikely ‘chance’ possibilities. The Rationaliser regularly responds to emotional situations with overly logical thinking patterns and solutions.
Find him painstakingly taking apart the coffee maker to find out exactly how it works while looking confused at your cries of ‘What if it doesn’t go back together again?’
Why might he cheat?
Due to his love of logic, The Rationaliser is most likely to cheat if he thinks the effort involved is worth the risk. If he thinks he won’t get caught he is far more likely to stray because it will make more sense to him.
Cheatability Rating: 4/10
The Sucker for Love:
The Sucker for Love is usually perceived as physically attractive by the opposite sex and shows many excessively ‘romantic’ gestures in the early stages of a relationship. He conveys the impression that he is an exceptionally good listener and seems considerate of other people’s feelings and emotions. He is sometimes accused of being a dreamer, and often expresses intense thoughts and emotions too early on in a relationship. After a relatively short period of time however, he stops all of these behaviours without warning and is likely to disappear off the radar.
Find him hiding out at his mate’s house and ignoring you calls after telling you on your last date he couldn’t wait to see you again.
Why might he cheat?
The Sucker for Love takes a chance on his gut feelings. This means he is most likely to cheat if he feels something is right regardless of the consequences. Because he gets bored quickly, any affair he has is likely to be short lived.
Cheatability Rating: 5/10
Easily Influenced:
The Easily Influenced type of man may appear at the mercy of the desires of those around him. He doesn’t really stand up for himself or his real beliefs and may conform a lot. He looks to others for guidance, and his ‘personal’ decisions may just be copied from what somebody else has done before. He tries to blame others in difficult situations, lacks assertiveness and gives in when confronted by dominant characters.
Find him at the Ford dealership inquiring about the very same car he watched his college turn up to work in last week.
Why he might cheat?
Being susceptible to the beliefs and actions of others around him, this type is most likely to cheat if manipulated or coerced by either a female or male third party. Because he lacks confidence, he may feel too little self belief to stand up to these manipulations so may simply follow suit.
Cheatability Rating: 3/10
The Opportunist:
The Opportunist is always looking for new opportunities or considering the current options in life. He is very inquisitive and always sees more than one possible outcome to every situation. He views circumstances positively and interprets them as challenges rather than problems. He is adaptable, flexible and creative: the ultimate optimistic-realist.
Find him spearheading team building days with work while the rest of you wonder what on earth is to be gained from a group of grown men and women working together to build a bridge out of planks.
Why might he cheat?
The opportunist is prone to cheat because of his dominant intuitive thought process. He is most likely to stray if situations present themselves to him that he feels he must take advantage of, and if he feels he won’t get caught.
Cheatability Rating: 7/10
The Charmer:
The Charmer always seems sweet and appreciative. He puts himself out for you and the people close to you, attracts attention and has a lot of female friends who vie for his time. He talks a good game and gains self-reward from this. He may be irresponsible and reckless at times, especially with the promises he makes, and he uses flattery as an essential part of his social armoury.
Find him at the office water cooler flattering pretty interns.
Why might he cheat?
As The Charmer’s ego is massaged by being able to please women, he finds it impossible not to do it to everybody. He is most likely to cheat because he gets a sense of self-worth from female attention and is inclined to keep vying for it even when he is in a relationship.
Cheatability Rating: 5/10
Back and Forth:
The Back and Forth type has a lot of intelligence and common sense when it comes to social situations. He is passionate about his interests and hobbies, although this may not be the case with other responsibilities, and has strong goals and beliefs. He has a genuinely good heart, but makes huge contradictions at times in the things he says or does. He sometimes forgets important proclamations he has made about himself with big impacts, and although he is sweet and romantic he regularly lets you down with the promises that really count. At times he seems perfect, at other times he seems an absolute pain.
Find him heading to the pub after work as the romantic dinner you said you’d make him sits on the kitchen table going cold.
Why might he cheat?
This type is most likely to cheat if his brain swings towards male ideals of infidelity. An ideal man some of the time, he is most likely to cheat in the period when what he believes to be wrong does not match up in his head to what he knows to be wrong.
Cheatability Rating: 5/10
The ‘Rarer’ Types:
One Step Ahead:
The One Step Ahead type is extremely organised in his personal and professional life. He rarely leaves anything to chance and never shows worry, even in a crisis. He never acts suspicious or elusive, he is a careful planner so there is rarely any need for you to worry and his overall outward impression is that of a mature, calm and experienced individual. With him, there is no absolute certainty of what he is thinking or doing.
Find him on your birthday morning with the day meticulously planned out while you’re left wondering how on earth anybody could ever be that organised.
Why might he cheat?
Because he is always one step ahead, this type is most likely to cheat because he is almost certain he will not get caught. Being well aware of how to handle opportunities with females, he can go with what feels right to him without having to worry about you ever finding out.
Cheatability Rating: 7/10
The ‘Appealing’ Types:
The Modern Man:
The Modern Man is always up to date with technology, music, fashion and trends. He adapts his value structure around the spirit of the time and is not stuck in a time warp. He always seems to say the right things at the right time, is flexible and compromising and does what a man is ‘expected’ to do at that time in society.
Find him down the pub watching the big game with his mates while you get dinner on the table ready for seven. After all, you know he’ll arrive on time.
Why might he cheat?
As this type is all about moving with the times he is currently unlikely to cheat in modern day society as a man nowadays is expected to be loyal. However, this type is most likely to cheat if times change and the environment begins to have a negative effect on him – leading him to believe that what a man should do is cheat, and as a result that that is what he must do.
Cheatability Rating: 3/10
Mr Secure:
Mr Secure appears to tick all the boxes of what you personally like about a man. He has a balanced and structured set of life-long priorities and a genuine interest in wanting to know you better. He is aware of his own personal issues and insecurities and is mature in dealing with them effectively. He is not afraid of change or circumstance, he embraces it as a challenge to overcome.
Find him being dragged around the garden by your mother while taking a genuine interest in all the plant life she has to show him.
Why might he cheat?
Although not a dead cert, this type is actually very, very unlikely to cheat. Self-assured and very balanced, he doesn’t feel the need to.
Cheatability Rating: 1/10
The ‘Do Not Notice’ Types:
Under The Thumb:
The Under The Thumb type is willing to give up his friends (male or female) for the relationship. He appears to lack assertiveness, and it often seems that the direction of your life dictates the focus of his. He is not confident in arguments with you and is willing to give in to some very unreasonable requests. Nine times out of ten you get whatever you want from him.
Find him watching Sex and the City with you and the dog while his mates enjoy a lads night out on the town.
Why might he cheat?
Although unlikely to cheat because he lacks the confidence and desire to do so, the only time this type may stray is if another woman takes advantage of his inability to stand up for himself and say no. Unable to assert his authority, he may get swept along in an affair while feeling there is nothing he can do to stop it.
Cheatability Rating: 1/10
The ‘Get Rid’ Types:
Act First, Think Later:
The Act First, Think Later type exudes spontaneity and excitement and is always up for most things. He is often impatient and likes to dive in with both feet. He can appear intelligent, worldly and well-spoken despite his behavior. He generally regrets many things he has done in his life upon reflection, and ‘I’m sorry’ is such a common phrase from him it now has little or no meaning at all. He is unreliable and irresponsible with his behavior, and doesn’t see it until it is too late. Find him begging for forgiveness after he’s messed up once again.
Why might he cheat?
This type is most likely to cheat because he is immature and desires immediate gratification, no matter what the consequences. He lacks discipline, and when he wants something his desires take over his sense of right and wrong and he does what he wants to do, not what he should do. He frequently seems to regret his actions when time has passed, and for this reason you may be led to believe he feels genuinely sorry – until it happens again.
Cheatability Rating: 8/10
The Metrosexual:
The Metrosexual may appear to be concerned only about his physical image and appearance. He has always been attractive or has changed since his youth and is now considered attractive. He may be condescending to others and can be materialistic and superficial. He places value on superficial relationships where he gains something that makes him look better to other people, and is always aware of his surroundings in order to make ‘behind the back’ comments.
Find him out surrounded by the best looking females he can find.
Why might he cheat?
This type is most likely to cheat if somebody comes along that appeals to his ego. Because he is all about making himself feel and look good, if an opportunity to cheat that he thinks will give him an ego boost arises, then he is very likely to do so. He may look great on the outside but inside lacks confidence, and may also cheat simply because he is looking for a sense of self-worth and acceptance he isnt getting from his current relationship.
Cheatability Rating: 9/10
And finally (the one we have been waiting for)
The ‘Ideal Type’:
The Family Man:
The Family Man displays genuine caring behavior and is protective over you. He is not afraid to admit when he is wrong and often makes sacrifices for his family. He is aware of his limitations and uses them to enhance his strengths. The decisions he makes are part of a long-term plan or for the benefit of those he holds closest.
Find him at the park playing Frisbee with his kids.
Will he cheat?
Honestly? We can’t say no for a 100 per cent certainty, but as this man is all grown up and ready for the unselfish nature of family life it is definitely an unlikely possibility.
Cheatability Rating: 1/10
Why Men REALLY Cheat: The Psychological Secrets of Male Infidelity
, £8.29, is available from amazon.
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